I Like Pasta More Than People

pastel-fluff-witch:

voidbat:

mishasassbutt:

mishasassbutt:

my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said, “you were pretty easy to raise as teenagers. all you did was sleep and eat.” 

so to prove some point she’s going to nail a small cup of jello to a tree. 

she’s so pleased with her self

incredible

parents are weird 

yeah but this is about as accurate as it gets.

you say “nail jello to a tree” and most people think jello all by itself.

but if you put any actual thought into what you’re doing and then give it just a little support

well gosh. look what happens.

please tell your mom good job.

Cover your kids in plastic and watch them flourish

(via joshpeck)

transboihell:

zerofucksclub:

thuggums:

kingjaffejoffer:

• “this is way too sweet”
  
• “they’re remaking that movie already????”
  
• “my back hurts”
  
• “wait, people get mad about that now?”
  
• “I can’t eat that, its gone fuck my stomach up”
• “hold on let me check my calendar first”
  
• **turns on the radio** [groans]

How dare you EXPOSE me at 5:18 am on this good Monday

Originally posted by plumkat

LITERALLY ME

(via dutchster)

flokidog:

jennifer-lawrence-fishburne:

flight-freedom:

lordoftheinternet:

your dog needs meat and your kids need vaccines. end of discussion.

Also your dog needs vaccines and your kids need meat.

Also your meat needs vaccines and your kids need dogs.

what these are all true

(via mynewurl)